It is Life which bites again …. till yesterday I was freaking out, wanted to go to Home hated hostel life like any thing, I started feeling that these books and those PPTS sucked my blood .yes!!!!!!! I always needed a break from them, was wondering why the hell I am stuck up with this Shit status ? I thought I needed more out of my life …. I really thought I wanted be to some thing else and I wanted to do some thing more then the average normal people. I hated the world for not being what I wanted it to be …. I was howling that this Stupid MBA is my life’s biggest mistake …
Today in the train after the second trimester term break …. Or say when I am almost 33% MBA I realized the things are moving …. At least they have started to move in bits and pieces , the first movement I observed was in attitude, I was never so compromising as I have become …. Its not that I can not be called a perfectionist now , but the level and ways of dealing with people started reaching the other side .Call it a total paradigm shift I started compromising my expectations from people, … its no more a live with me or leave me situation, I always knew that there are donkeys, monkeys, sharks and wheals in this pool of human genetic stock … but I never kept a sharp eye on any of them … I assumed neither they are commonly visible nor they might be interested in me …. But last few months have displayed a huge museum of a great gene pool , at least now I know how many species within humans are surviving on this plant … what are there aspirations, how they might bite you and how should you keep yourself protected from their incurable poisonous sting …. Rather these days have taught me how to bite the world back . I know the biggest challenge in front of me wasps to compromise and get going with these zoo like world … but then I then have learnt this thing the hard way that others are looking at me with the same eyes, and I am no other then a important part of this zoo. Looks like a good beginning I now know how to be stringently strict and flexibly smart at the same time, Seems I have learnt my first word – STRATEGIC
Things moved on further and I have learnt that satisfaction is the hard to spell and herder to have it when aspirations are little too high. My goals were always a two level beyond my reach so that I keep my self motivated and keep running … I thought it might just work as Pygmalion for me , well it was true in my case …. Until and unless I finally realized this that I am going away from some basics, I am realizing day by day that I traded off those things which could yielded some multiple times satisfaction, satisfaction of being with my own people, satisfaction to do whatever I want at any time may that be playing pranks on others, or roaming around or sleeping or chatting or just watching TV , satisfaction of loving and being loved, of playing with pets and fighting with siblings over little things , satisfaction of being there with friends and keeping myself happy in all what I had ,I am now away from those little happiness of life which just came in rolling, small things , small discoveries about world and life which made the world appear very vast and equally tempting to explore. Now things have become plastic … call it materialistic or mechanical , life is all about achieving more and more on the professional front , I have become some one who’s short term and long term objective is to prove myself … but I still donn know prove what to whom ?? It seems that I am in an endless chase for something , where this something is undefined unidentified and rarest thing which is never yet traced is the big word –SATISFACTION .
The newest thing I started learning is figuring out the rare faces in crowds who are born to make it big ….I started looking around and started searching faces with some thing extra in that which will differtiate them from being the commons, I am learning how some people have some just amazing things in themselves that they just keeps things coming to them…they may or may not bite but yes they will defiantly leave you being bitten & puzzled about themselves. Since these 6 months I have some of those odd faces which are a perfect ‘the rare face in the crowd’ types …. And there where I say that despite of all the pains this place has given me, despite of all the sick feelings conditions and circumstances has brought I am getting wiser and wiser day by day. This is a state of mind where you want to be a rebel and want to get out of the system but some of your personal motives & intentions keeps you attracted . The feeling of belonging to this crowd has developed gradually and the passion of belongingness is becoming more then visible now. I discovered the secret of keeping myself interested it was to keep –EXPLORING
These days taught me great lessons, lessons of transformation .surviving any place seems to have a learning curve effect , I can proudly say that I have survived the extreme hate for people which came from within , extreme depressions which generated as a reason of not been able to follow the educational pattern and perform accordingly , rushing feelings of taking drastic steps to quit this place and go back home , not because I was home sick but because this place failed to gimme the feeling of home ....i finally think that I really learnt –SURVIVING
I thought nothing could compare the thrill and fun of reading those law books and journals, the SCC online, lexis nexus. I thought nothing can get more bulky then black’s, but then I met Operations Research a subject which adds adrenaline into my nervous system and then the ideology changed. Thrill naturally started coming with every set of problem I solved without any help form any one. And one day I woke up with a feeling that this I ca do every thing in this world. I learned the very precious lesson of my life that I can do any thing only when I am open for –LEARNING
And here I am Today night , in the moving train ,on my way back to home as a person not returning back barehanded …. But with a bag full of Good and Bad experiences and a totally changed personality
